#I see so many fics where they put jon and Martin in space. but rarely do I see mechanisms in the archives | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dotsayers · 3 years ago

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20 Questions: Writer’s Edition

tagged by the beloved @myrmidryad

this is a LONG one so here’s a cut to avoid do you love the colour of the sky syndrome

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

101 after a recent purge... no one may know about my Past

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

329004! used to be about 350k but again... purge

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

on ao3 i’ve written for (chronologically) doctor who, skyfall, discworld, les mis, star trek, lord peter wimsey, marvel (various), in the flesh, red vs blue, roosterteeth rpf, check please, hockey rpf, star wars, daredevil, rivers of london, dishonored, emmerdale, dirk gently, holby city, hot fuzz, kj charles, guardian, the covert captain, taskmaster rpf, good omens, ghosts, roswell new mexico, leverage, schitt’s creek, the magicians, 9-1-1, it chapter two, the magnus archives, the old guard, the mandalorian, the ritual, the locked tomb

way back on the pit of voles i wrote for twilight, harry potter, hetalia and xmen first class. and on the newsround chatrooms i wrote exclusively harry potter fic about my oc neville and luna’s daughter

as you can tell i am not prone to staying in one fandom writing wise, i tend to end up with one complete fic and seven abandoned wips concealed deep in my google drive

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

finally see what it means to be living (captain marvel, carol/maria, i really hit the zeitgeist with this one i think i was something like the fifth fic in the ship tag)

do whatever you think (the magnus archives, this series is actually #2-7, then #8 #9 and #11 for me so i’m going to cheat a bit)

standing in a world of my own (daredevil, matt/foggy/karen, another zeitgeist hit! really miss writing for daredevil actually... it’s a perennial fave)

a winding road that stretches towards the truth (iron man, tony/rhodey, i STILL don’t know when this got so many kudos. i swear i looked away when it was at 100 and suddenly it ended up here)

where the long shadows grow (star trek aos, kirk prime/spock prime, thank god some people are checking the prime kirkspock tag is all i’m saying!)

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i don’t really Do angsty endings... possibly a blanket of stars just because i ended it on something of a cliffhanger and then completely zoned out of rnm for long enough that i forgot where i was going with it. there was definitely the intention of fixing things but then i just... did not do that. and now the show is on s3 and i’m over a season behind! life comes at you fast

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

where the long shadows grow, because it reunited kirk prime and spock prime and they DESERVE TO BE HAPPYYYY. i’m a complete sucker for presumed dead/back from the dead stories, actually, so on a similar theme i have two (TWO) daredevil fics which follow the trope, one about ray coming back post-s2 (might never be normal again) and one about foggy and matt reuniting post-endgame (in the corner, taking up space). this is the only time i will ever acknowledge endgame ever again

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

i do write crossovers! in fact i am often roundly mocked by my friends for the increasingly esoteric nature of my crossovers. way back in secondary i wrote a twilight/labyrinth crossover where angela was sarah and jareth’s daughter because i had a massive crush on a girl who liked both twilight and labyrinth. however, since that has been comprehensively scrubbed from the internet, i think my craziest crossover is probably part three of ‘traced upon the skies’, already an esoteric crossover of rivers of london and hot fuzz, when i added in a crossover with the horror movie ‘the ritual’ just because i wanted rafe spall’s character to be happy

8. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

EXTREMELY rarely and only with extreme embarrassment. i will not be any more specific than that

9. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

i used to really struggle with doing this, to the point that i had over 300 comments just. lingering in my inbox unanswered. so i decided to give those up and just commit to answering them from then on, which has been working fairly well for about a year and a half now. i love getting comments but i get overwhelmed really easily and struggle with replying in a way which feels meaningful without getting in my head about it!

10. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

yes lmao it was for a harry potter fic on ff.net where harry got sorted into hufflepuff instead of gryffindor. it wasn’t a very good fic but i think the fact it was clearly written by an 11 year old should have scared off at least some of the less flattering comments.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don’t... think so? i don’t know how i’d find out to be honest, my vanity googling is rarely very effective

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! as bronze may be much beautified (skyfall, mallory/bond) got translated into chinese, i was extremely pleased. i think it’s mandarin but the ao3 page for the translation doesn’t say and my mandarin is.................. extremely poor

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

also yes! me and jess little-smartass have written a lot together, although only our star trek/les mis series has been published, more’s the pity. we spent a lot of les mis fandom time workshopping aus and we were always extremely correct about all of it, imo

14. What’s your all time favourite ship to write for?

oh god. i think probably kirk/spock, although there’s some recency bias to that since i reread space manhattans recently and was reminded of my love for them. i really like writing jon/martin but i’ve mostly done that from outsider pov which is a bit different to writing shipfic, i think. joe/nicky from tog was also something i really liked writing but i struggle with plotting longer fic with them

15. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

i recently went through my abandoned fic folder so i actually have a few options for this. the obvious choice would be ‘any of the hockey ones’ but i did delete most of those just for my sanity. more recently i started writing a vaguely smutty pre-the thing mac/fuchs fic for alex @milkdrinker5000 which i really WANT to finish but am struggling with. most obscure answer (even beyond the thing) and most likely to remain unfinished is the insanely in depth post-tog booker/copley fic i had planned out back in about october. i wrote a good 6-7k of that one and then i realised it was going to be, like, difficult, and decided if i was going to put that much work into something it may as well be the novel im meant to be writing

16. What are your writing strengths?

once a friend told me i had an excellent facility for dialogue and ive thought about it every time i write ever since. i love writing dialogue and i think i’m good at knowing what sounds ic and what is right out.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

one of the things i struggled with for a really long time, and honestly still have trouble with, is depicting action in words. once i wrote a hockey fic which featured multiple hockey games and i spent probably four times as much effort editing those to make sense and be interesting that i’ve ever done on a talkier scene.

18. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i’ve done it but only when i knew more or less what i was talking about - i did italian at school so i felt confident using it for nicky in something particular and real. i try not to italicise when i drop in words from other languages, which is what i usually do when i’m using a language i haven’t studied in depth (for example, joe’s use of arabic in some of my fic), and to only use words which i’ve heard used by native speakers in that context. i think if you don’t feel confident using another language, generally speaking, you shouldn’t do it. and for god’s sake don’t use google translate for a full sentence

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

harry potter on the newsround chatboards. ariana lovegood-longbottom my sweet child

20. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

this used to be an easy question because hands down the fic i was proudest of on posting it was i’ll be seeing you. i spent a year and a half on research and writing! but these days i do cringe a little at my hockey fic, and i think i’m prouder of some of my shorter works. let’s do a curveball and say layer on layer, down on down, which is my favourite of my rnm fics and the one i like most from a narrative voice perspective. getting michael right was stressful and i’m still proud i got it down for a TIME LOOP FIC, my absolute favourite trope

tagging @little-smartass and @leescoresbies just in case they want to try this

#gin i can't BELIEVE you wrote for xiaolin showdown. iconic #text post tag #tagged in #writing tag

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pensivetense · 4 years ago

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A List Of (Mostly TMA) Fic Recs Sorted By Vibe

Not an exhaustive list by any means, just a few favourites that caught my fancy. I shortened many of the summaries for space.

I’m going to pin this here and update it as I go.

Also, I’m pensivetense on ao3

MELANCHOLY VIBES

for when you want to feel comfortably muted

(sad but not utterly bleak endings here)

Hope, Etc. (Dickenson, et al.) by yellow_caballero

Jonathan Sims, six months after the Unknowing, wakes to find himself without a daemon - without humanity, without a soul. It’s a cursed half-life, but existence as a shell without a heart isn’t so bad: between solving the mystery of a persistent illusion cast over his friends and some light pseudo-cannibalism, a life as a monster is better than no life at all. At least, it would be, if it wasn’t for the fucking Owl.

A freaking. Amazing. Daemon au. Ties the lore of Dust with TMA lore very satisfyingly, but is mostly about Jon navigating what it means to be human, or, in the absence of that, a person, and doesn’t require prior knowledge of His Dark Materials. Cannot recommend highly enough.

after one long season of waiting by nuinuijiaojiao

Annabelle is not used to having nice things. or, Annabelle heads to Upton House, muses a little, and gets some well-deserved rest

I love survivalist Annabelle and also the concept of the Web as kind of a horrible Patron, actually.

i love you. I want us both to eat well. by SmallishWormMasterOfTheUniverse

At the safehouse with Martin, Jon decides it's time to quit statements once and for all. The Eye disagrees. Martin just needs Jon to be okay. It's quite possible that nobody is going to get what they want.

Scottish Safehouse Era, Jon and Martin coping with their respective Entities... really, really good.

the friend by doomcountry

He always greets a new spider when he meets it. It’s instinct, born in childhood, the same way he instinctively counts magpies, or flicks salt over his left shoulder. A little harmless superstition. A bit of politesse.

A great Martin character study with eldritch spider horror included. The imagery regularly haunts me (in a good way).

autumn’s rare gift by bee_bro

Annually, the two meet, renewing the binding ritual where it had all started. The procedure simple: a waltz.

Singlehandedly made me ship Gertrude/Agnes so there’s that. It’s so bittersweet and bee_bro’s writing is, as always, incredibly poetic. (I’d recommend everything they write, actually.)

smile, you’re trending by Goodluckdetective

During an encounter with another Avatar of the Eye, Jon faces his past, Martin takes a turn at playing Kill Bill and Basira has a second look at the monster she’s determined to see. For three people associated with the Eye, they could all use some perspective.

Features an original Eye Avatar character who’s a YouTube personality; she is infuriating and inspired and genuinely frightening and I cannot say enough good things.

Humility by The_Lionheart

have you no idea that you're in deep?/i've dreamt about you nearly every night this week,/how many secrets can you keep?

An OC centric story but don’t let that put you off, it’s amazing. Very heavily focused around Jonah Magnus and the other Avatars as they change through the years. Also, I’d die for the OC.

oh, for one sweet second without the eye series by faedemon

Beholding does not like in the way humans do, but it likes its Archivist all the same.

I’m just so fond of the way this is done stylistically. I have a great weakness for dialogue only/dialogue heavy writing, not to mention all of the wonderful character beats and interplay of humanity/inhumanity for Jon and Melanie.

Rewind by WhyNotFly

It takes eight days of forced confinement for Jon to start hallucinating. [...] It’s Martin, though, that his exhausted brain conjures, because of course it’s Martin. After all this time, of course it’s Martin.

Jon willingly allows himself to be confined rather than hunting for statements, and examines his relationship with Martin.

for a firmament series by supaslim

There is beauty in destruction. There is art in becoming. In which Jon becomes the Archive, and the Archive becomes Jon.

Part two posted this morning and uhhh. Good. Also if you’re here for weird eldritch body horror (I am), this one’s for you.

ONES THAT JUST HURT

for when you want to feel sad

(somewhat bleaker endings here/everyone is NOT okay)

Feste by yellow_caballero

If asked, Martin would say that he became the shadow director of the Magnus Institute by accident. But nobody ever asked, and nobody ever cared, and it was in this way that Martin stopped lying to himself. Or: break free, Martin. All you have to lose are your chains. And your sanity.

Oh, this one totally didn’t go the way I expected it to. A study in isolation. Could go into the category above, as the ending is not bleak, but the tone of the whole is somewhat more depressing than most there.

Ghosts of Love by RavenXavier

Nothing made Martin more grounded in the world than yearning for Jonathan Sims.

Lonely!Martin that really captures a sort of visceral ache. Hurts me and yet I keep rereading.

i do desire (we may be better strangers) by godbewithyouihavedone

For ages, it only knew how to worship, taking human bodies and living off the fear of those who remembered. It never knew love until it became Jonathan Sims. Now it must fight against every instinct to save Martin Blackwood. Archivist Sasha, Not!Jon/Martin, and the worst kind of Fake Dating AU.

Oh, this one just made me sad. The poor not!them, which is something I never thought I’d say.

Apple Of Your Eye by fakeCRfan

In which the Eye is fond of Martin. Perhaps a little too fond for comfort.

Somehow manages to be both sweet and horrifying—the characterisation of the Eye is incredible. ‘The Eye loves Martin’ is a scenario that’s so utterly doomed to failure and yet the writing is packed with so much pathos that I just want them all to be happy. A fantastic use of themes of agency and choice, and the single best use of Beholding as a source of horror I’ve read.

The Last Press by copperbadge

Jon Sims is awake, and has begun preparations for the Rite of the Watcher's Crown. Peter Lukas, who woke him, would be content to rule at his side. Martin is very upset about all of this, and the Lukases aren't thrilled with it either.

I really can’t say anything without spoiling the end and it’s so good. An alternate take on the Watcher’s Crown. Not a pairing that I ever thought would work for me, but this made it work.

watch the blood evaporate by 75hearts

It starts, like so many things in Jon’s life have started, with a nagging itch of curiosity. Jonathan Sims uses his healing abilities throughout s4. Read the tags.

Dear God please read the tags. But this is some high quality pain if it’s for you.

the lighthouse series by low_fi

Peter Lukas is a lighthouse keeper. One evening, he gets a call from a cryptic overseer tasked with monitoring his work.

This is such a vivid and yet subtle story—from the setting to the emotions portrayed, it creeps up on you slowly. The ending was like the gentlest possible gut-punch. The sequel just completed, and yeah, just as wonderful. This one is very much LonelyEyes but I listed it here because it is just exquisitely painful.

SATISFYINGLY HOPEFUL VIBES

for when you want to feel cozy

Clutching Daffodils by Gemi

Martin has always liked the idea of love at first sight. It’s such a romantic idea, the whole thing of it. Seeing someone and instantly feeling that strange, twisting feeling deep inside that every single media likes to obsess over. Of knowing you are in love within the day, petals falling from your mouth and warmth filling your chest as love burrows deep, vines twisting through your lungs. He always liked the idea of it. And then Jonathan Sims starts working at the Magnus Institute.

Somehow manages to be lighter and fluffier than most hanahaki fare, despite the setting. I’ve reread this one a lot.

the least he could do by Prim_the_Amazing

Martin should in fact not pick this man, specifically because of how attracted he is to him. It would be the responsible thing to do. Except he’s already following him. And he’s hungry.

Fluffy vampire au which everyone’s probably already read, but was too good not to mention.

rather interesting by bee_bro

Jonah Magnus realizes that, for some reason, when he comes in contact with weed, Elias Bouchard's consciousness will come into his life banging pots and pans.

Oh boy. So these are all favourite fics but this one is a favourite amongst favourites. The way Jonah is characterised (i.e. incredibly sensitive to scrutiny) is my favourite depiction of him, and the slow-burn between him and Elias is far sweeter than it has any right to be. Also, it’s hilarious.

The Magnus Records series by ErinsWorks

In a world parallel to that of the Archives and the Institute, a supernatural sanctuary stands against a cruel and uncaring world: A world of bureaucracy and tyranny, of murder and carnage, of loneliness and surveillence, of plague and death. But in this world of fear and misery, 14 entities born of the hopes of the world have emerged. And one of them has made their home here, at The Magnus Sanctuary. Perhaps, the employees within may lead happier lives than their counterparts did in the Archives.

This is just so goddamn pure. The author writes a really imaginative, fleshed-out alternate world and alternate Entities with engaging, well-written short statements. All of the character voices are absolutely on point, and it’s overall absurdly hopeful without ever feeling overly saccharine. I love this series so much, you guys, you don’t even know. I want to print it out and paste it on my wall. I love it.

HARD APOCALYPSE

for when you want to feel dark and angsty (and eldritch)

Most of these are shorts/oneshots because it’s just that kind of genre, y’know?

Ashes to Ashes by marrowbones

A conversation at the end of the world.

Oliver Banks is one of those minor characters that I am overly attached to. Love him here.

Employee Benefits by equals_eleven_thirds

The Magnus Institute offered some normal employee benefits: a pension plan, holidays, travel subsidies, free lunch on the last Friday of each month. Rosie makes it work.

This manages to hit that perfect sweet spot of satisfying and hilarious. Rosie gets to torment Elias, as she well deserves.

a rose by any other name by Duck_Life

Part of Jon blooms in Jared Hopworth’s garden.

This one was sad and honestly too gentle to really belong in this category, but I love it.

Eye to Eye by Dribbledscribbles

In which Jonah Magnus attempts a post-apocalyptic pep talk.

Unreliable narrator at its finest, and the implications are suitably horrific.

commensalis by doomcountry

The tower is endlessly, impossibly tall, but Jon’s work is taller.

If you’re here for the eldritch imagery, then this has some of the best.

SOFT APOCALYPSE

for when you want to feel gently triumphant

apocalypse how series by sunshine_states

Humanity adjusts. The Entities have Regrets.

Some nice vignettes set in a kinder apocalypse.

ceylon series by Sciosa

The one in which Jonathan Sims decides that no, actually, he isn't going to let the world just end.

I include this only for the sake on completeness, as everyone has no doubt already read it.

rituals by doomcountry

Martin is the first person to knock on the Archivist's door since it arrived, fully, into its little waiting temple. The Archivist saw him coming from down the hall, but decides to feign interest when the knob turns, and Martin—still a little bit smaller, a little more translucent than before—stands uncertainly just outside the room.

This one’s a little less focused on the world at large and more on JonMartin specifically.

we raise it up by savrenim

Jonathan Sims reads a book and saves the world; although maybe the real salvation is the friends he makes along the way; (although perhaps the world itself and the darkness that exists behind it isn't quite as out to get everyone as it seems).

More ‘soft revolution’ than ‘soft apocalypse’, but has the same vibe. A time travel fix-it. Incomplete but worth it if this is a mood that appeals to you.

Scarred Ground by DictionaryWrites

“You see," Elias said softly, "people always have this idea that only living things can be scarred - and they're right, of course. But a building is a living thing, Martin. And the ground can be scarred, too." "I don't have any scars," Martin said. "Yes, you do," Elias said. "You just need the right light to see them.”

Falls somewhere between ‘Apocalypse’ and ‘Soft Apocalyse’ but I’m putting it here because I feel like it. Also technically a LonelyEyes fic. I found it hard to follow at first but it’s worth sticking with; things will eventually begin to make sense and come together.

LONELYEYES

for when you want to feel lonelyeyes

marrying anguish with one last wish by procrastinatingbookworm

In which Elias isn't Orpheus, and Peter isn't Eurydice, but Elias brings Peter home anyway.

Lives in my head rent free forever. My favourite lonelyeyes fic.

ouroboros by Wildehack

“You know,” Jonah says, a muscle in his calf quivering agreeably where it’s slung over Mordechai’s shoulder, “it’s really quite--fortunate--that I don’t care for you at all.”

Oh, this one hurts in the best possible way. The endless cycle of their relationship, the way it comes full-circle... yeah, good. Actually, no, this one might be my favourite. It’s a tie.

Breaking all the Rules by Thedupshadove

Elias proposes a somewhat...unusual wager.

Soft lonelyeyes? In my recs? It’s more likely than you think. Short, sweet, and... sweet.

Threefold by Sprinkledeath

Peter Lukas breaks three rules.

I’m just a slut for mythology allusions I guess.

Luck Be A Lady Tonight by prodigy

In 2014, Elias Bouchard takes a rare trip outside of his comfort zone. Peter Lukas wastes a bunch of money. You'd be surprised how many things can go wrong for two beings of cosmic power.

I love the sense of the history of them you get while reading this.

love is just a word (the idea seems absurd) by kaneklutz

"Something's wrong. It's stopped hurting" An avatar of the Lonely and an avatar of the Beholding walk into a bar relationship. It was bound to blow up in their faces.

Short, sweet, painful. Excellent exploration of their priorities.

Victor by penguistifical

elias tries something with his powers that he hasn't attempted before

The one where Elias tries to raise the dead. Not incredibly LonelyEyes centric but that’s still the pairing.

Simon Says by penguistifical

“Peter asked me to drop by and have a word with you, and, so, here I am.” Simon chuckles at Elias’s disbelieving stare. “Well, he asked in his own way. He’s not a complicated man, you know. He either comes from your arms looking like a stroked cat that’s been given a dish of cream or looking like he’s been in that toy boat of his out in an unexpected storm. He was far angrier than normal, so I daresay you weren’t cream today.”

I mean personally I’d just go ahead and rec all of penguistifical’s LonelyEyes fics but this is a standout for me.

AROMANTIC AND ASPEC MOODS

for when you want to feel Seen

The Aro Archives series by WhyNotFly

These are all just really really good. From Aro!Peter to two different aro-spec versions of the Scottish Safehouse to a long and beautiful aro hanahaki fic, this series is uniformly wonderful. The two Scottish Safehouse ones (Torn Edges and Murky Water) are my comfort fics.

and now all fear gives way by j_quadrifons

Before he can think it through, he murmurs, "Is that what it feels like? Being in love?" Martin's hand stills in his hair and Jon's stomach drops.

This one just. Wow yeah this is how it be. Another absolute comfort fic of mine.

Sweet As Roses by Prim_the_Amazing

Jon takes Martin by the shoulders, leans up on the tips of his toes, and kisses him.

I’m going to be honest��I didn’t know where to put this one. But it ended up here because the real standout of this fic for me is the portrayal of Sasha, and especially her portrayal as an aro character. So I’m putting it here. Mind the content warnings with this one!

HUMOUR

for when you want to feel delight

The Torment of Sebastian Skinner by Urbenmyth

After the Eye's victory, the statement givers are trapped in their horror stories, living them over and over again. Naturally, this works out better for some then for others.

Premise? Delightful. Execution? Fantastic. I read this one to cheer myself up when I’m sad.

Unlucky by VolxdoSioda

Jon’s dice betray him

Short, sweet DnD au, and the reason I cannot get DM!Elias out of my head now.

Voracious by beetl

A bird hits the window. Jon experiences The Flesh's thrall.

“Dead Dove: Do Not Eat” but make it literal.

The Stupid Endings by Urbenmyth

There are a lot of very deeply thought out and creative AUs on this site. These aren't among them. These ones are how the story could have ended, if Jonny Sims was a dumbass.

These are just uniformly hilarious, I cannot recommend them highly enough.

PODCAST CROSSOVERS

for when you want to make one of those “if I had a nickel for every time...” posts

The Sabbatical by morelikeassassin

Nicholas Waters is in need of an all-knowing eldritch entity beyond the confines of human imagining to help with his latest ritual. He'll have to settle for Jonathan Sims, who happens to have nothing better to do.

Crossover with Archive 81 (s3, specifically). Both fun and bittersweet.

The City And Its Sorrows by cuttooth

“What makes you think your friend is in Eskew?” David asks. He feels he can risk the scrutiny of the city that far. “I read that this is a place people end up when they get lost,” says the man. “This is a place people end up,” David agrees./The Archivist comes to Eskew.

Contemplative piece, and I love the way it presents David’s relationship with Eskew, the way he finds it horrible and hates it and yet belongs to it, is almost proud in the way he shows to to Jon. Great little vignette of two people oppressed by eldritch powers, intersecting.

Hiatus by bibliocratic

My name is Jonathan Sims, and I am in Eskew. (Jon gets lost in a Spiral city. It is not as easy as escaping.)

This one is far more focused on Jon than David, and is honestly more Eskew-weird than Spiral-weird. In the best way. Told in Eskew episode style, and is very good.

Sweet Music by Shella688

Eskew has a music to it, if you know how to listen. The percussion beat of thousands of footsteps, the melody in the squealing of the trains overhead. Today, the music of Eskew comes in the form of nine musicians, playing outside my office. My name is David Ward, and I am in Eskew.

Not TMA, but since a lot of Mechs fans go here—this one’s a Mechs/Eskew crossover. Short and simple, mostly David Ward centric, just a little well-written one shot I had to mention because I enjoyed it but it doesn’t have much traffic. Nice portrayal of the Mechs from an outsider’s perspective, and how genuinely strange and frightening they’d come across (especially if you’re already being haunted by and eldritch city). If you like Eskew-style storytelling, check it out!

NOT TMA

...but good enough that I physically cannot make a recs list without including them. Here!

#tma #the magnus archives #fic recs #long post #i'm not kidding you guys it's long #so be warned before you click read more #pinned on my blog

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suchakidder · 4 years ago

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Uh, I meant to work on the last chapter of This is the Forest Primeval, but instead I worked on 1500 k words of Martin wanting kids?

This was supposed to be the opening of a time travel fic where only Martin goes to the past and interacts with bb!Jon, and it still might be, but for now it’s on it’s own. Set post 181. Read here or below

Martin wants something. It’s not a problem.

Not long ago, it would have been. Shame and self-doubt were never far from desire, though sometimes they would trail behind at just the right distance that Martin would want something— a new job, a day off, a harmless crush on his unavailable boss— and think maybe, just maybe, he could want something and it would be ok, but then that distance would close up. Did he really need that pint of ice cream? Was it really necessary to call the landlord over the mold in the kitchen? Couldn’t he just be happy that he had a flat at all? Why was he always so greedy for more?

At first, those had been in his mother’s derisive tone, but he repeated them to himself so often that over time, they lost the shape of her accent and intonation. It took even more time for a new voice to form, or perhaps it had been there ever since his mother had gone away and it took Martin far too long to realize, but that the inner voice repeating those same words was his own.

As an adult, he didn’t expect that voice to ever change but almost as soon as Martin accepted Peter Lukas’s protection, it was his voice, always so unflappable and even, that Martin heard in his own head. The thought he’d give credence to anything Peter said was laughable, truly laughable. In fact, the first time post-Lonely that doubt had crept into Martin’s mind he’d had to laugh out loud with such a sudden ferocity it shocked Jon. It has been too hard to explain through the great, shuddering laughs that made way to sobs after some time, but Martin had been able to eventually assure Jon he was quite alright. He never thought he’d be thankful for anything Peter Lukas had done, but Martin will take the win as it was.

So he wants something. It’s not a problem.

The problem is, Martin doesn’t know what he wants.

Ever since Upton House, there’s been this desire humming through him, ever-present in his nerves and his mind, but completely eluding his attempts to see or grasp it. No matter how hard he tries to unravel it, it stays firmly hidden, though it steers Martin’s actions. It has something to do with Jon, Martin can tell that much, and even after days of spending nothing but basking in each other’s company at the house, all he wants to do is spend every moment memorizing the lines on Jon’s face or watching him the muscles in his arm shift as he gestures wildly while talking about something he finds interesting and other such sappy nonsense.

Currently, they are in a small cave in a wooded area outside of a small village. The forest looks positively wicked, like “Snow White being torn at by the trees” wicked, but Jon’s assured Martin, in his best “I’m the authority on spookiness” voice that it’s a safer choice than the seemingly fine looking village past the tree line. The cave is more accurately a little den under an outcropping of rock, no deeper than a meter, the barest bit of shelter from the outside.

There’s a bundle of twigs, bark, and tinder Jon collected and he is lighting them with the flint Martin had only really packed on a lark. He’d known nothing of wilderness survival aside from what he’d seen in shows and movies, but he could hardly conceive of walking to London without the basics. He didn’t really think they’d be put to use, but there Jon is, scraping the flint along the steel.

Martin watches his hands, his thin, long fingers, the waxy scar tissue on his left hand, as he works. Jon isn’t very strong, but he’s nimble and capable and Martin is awash with emotion and attraction. He had never known capability was his type, but he hadn’t known much of the particularities of his attractions until Jon. He hadn’t known much about himself at all until Jon.

“I want you to remember me.” Martin says. It’s not quite right, but it’s almost there. Martin feels like he’s finally tugging the right thread, like he might finally find the end if he keeps traveling along.

“I— Of course, I will.” Jon sets down the flint next to the unlit fire bundle and moves over to where Martin is sitting. From the distant and harsh man Martin had first known Jon as, he never would have expected how tactile he is now. There’s a language all it’s own to his touches, and right now he folds both his hands over Martin’s and grips on to him, not tightly, but firmly. “It was only the camera lens at— “

“I know. It’s not that. It’s, it’s… I want you to remember me, but not just you. Or maybe you and maybe it’s remembered that isn’t right. I want…”

Martin could just ask Jon to ask, it would be easier that way, but Martin knows he’s so close. “When I used to think about dying, I was always… All my descendants, generation after generation, they were born and they toiled and they died, and they all did it so it could one day get to me, and when I thought about it, it just seemed like some big mistake or cosmic joke.”

“And now?” Jon asks carefully.

“I don’t… I want to be remembered for being here. Not here as in part of the apocalypse, but… I lived and loved. My personhood wasn’t a waste of space.”

Jon doesn’t have to tell Martin that was never true; they both know that. It only took the apocalypse to become a person, but Martin’s not sorry for it.

“I think, I think that’s why people have kids. I thought of my ancestors and thought it was biology or society, or I don’t know, that selfish need to pass on your progeny. But I think when you love someone, I mean, really truly love someone, you’ve found something so rare and so precious that you know you can make something bigger than yourselves together. You don’t just want to make something more than yourself or think you can, you Know you can.”

Jon’s pulled his hands away to let Martin think but Martin snatches them back, needing more than words to try to portray this truth. He holds onto Jon as hard as he can.

“I want kids,” Martin says without any shame or doubt.

“Martin,” There’s a long pause. “I don’t think I need to tell you that adoption agencies aren’t exactly operational right now.”

Martin looks at Jon but he doesn’t need the Eye to tell him that Jon is doubtful, or to tell him why. It hurts, deep down where Martin keeps all the sorrow over just how lonely Jon’s life has been, how the little love he received in his life is highly disparate without how much he deserved.

“You would be a good dad Jon.”

Jon just looks at him skeptically.

“You would! You would read to them, every night, and you’d do the voices and then you’d explain the moral or the symbolism. You’d be involved in… in whatever they were into, theater or… bugs, or, god help us, sports. You would learn everything you could.”

“Well, I don’t think I’d have much of a choice about it,” Jon says with a tight lipped grimace.

“But you’d want to. That’s--that’s all that matters. It doesn’t matter whether you have an encyclopedia in your head, we both know you aren’t Knowing it all the time. You would consciously know everything you could.”

Jon doesn’t quite agree, but he doesn’t protest and Martin lets him go, barely an arm’s reach away, to finish lighting the fire and they don’t talk about it the rest of the night.

Martin doesn’t let himself imagine the what-ifs and could-have-beens, not now in this world. There’s nothing to gain from that. But he lets himself now, imaging Jon awkwardly holding a baby, or sat with a school aged child at the kitchen table, their kitchen table, heads bent over homework. Jon would help them, calmly explaining whatever concept they were stuck on, patient no matter how many different approaches it has to take.

Martin wants it so badly he feels sick with it, all this desire and want and somewhere in it, the faintest sliver of hope. He wants something he can’t have and it’s not a problem, but it does have the making of a tragedy if Martin lets it.

So he doesn’t.

When they lay down, Martin to try to force his body into a few hours of sleep and Jon to achieve whatever form of rest he can, Martin curls up behind Jon, his front pressed up tight against Jon’s, one leg slipped between his. Their entwined hands rest over Jon’s chest where there’s the barest flicker of a heartbeat, irregular, faint, but there.

In the quiet stillness they’ve created of this fear destroyed world, Martin whispers it all to Jon, the dreams and what-ifs, everything he wants for them. Of everything Jonah Magnus has robbed them of, Martin refuses to let this be one.

#tma #tma fic #my fics #jonmartin #the magnus archives #mag 181

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shuttymcshutfuck · 4 years ago

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I got tagged by @writingat-night to do the first line game!

rules: list the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). see if there are any patterns. choose your favourite opening line.

I don't think I have 20 wips but oh well. I tag anyone who wants to do it! (Mostly cause my only writing friend i know wouldn't mind me tagging was the one who tagged me.

*untitled fic* (TMA, jon centric h/c)

“Jon, are you ready to go?” Jon sighed as he sat on the edge of the bed he and Martin had been sharing. He had only gotten this far before he realised today was going to be a bad day but he didn’t want to make Martin late. Begrudgingly, Jon got to his feet - pausing to let the dark spots from his vision clear - and started to get dressed as fast as he could. He put on his fake energy then his coat and headed out the door to the institute, Martin following behind. It was odd being around Martin so much, he had such an eye for when people were hurting and Jon was finding it harder and harder to hide his own. He didn’t regret letting Martin stay at his flat after he had finally escaped his worm infested flat, but it was more difficult than he expected it to be.

2. *untitled fic 2* (TMA, JonMartin, fluff/whump I guess?)

“Jon, I was thinking we could have pasta for- What are you doing?” When Martin walked into their living room he was expecting to see Jon curled up in the corner of the couch with the book he was currently reading. Maybe even grading some papers or going over his next lesson plan. He wasn’t expecting Jon to be lying on his back on the floor, trying to place the arm cuff of Martin’s blood pressure machine around his arm. A spike of fear shot through him, expecting the worst. Martin took a breath to try and ground himself. They were both safe and he knew that, he just had to remind himself every now and then.

“I’m taking your advice.” Jon’s head tilted towards Martin from his place on the floor. After the initial panic had faded it was actually quite an amusing sight to Martin.

3. "Its okay if you can't find the words, let me take your coat and this weight off of your shoulders" (Rewrite: TPP-Junoverse, Jupeter, Juno centric h/c)

A day off on the carte blanche was rare but every so often there would be a day or two with nothing. No jobs, no maintenance, no planning. Just nothing. Today was one such day. Juno had spent most of the day held hostage on the couch by Rita with everyone popping in and out every so often. He hadn’t paid much attention to the streams Rita had put on, his mind drifting whenever he tried. When Rita started dosing on his shoulder he decided it was time to call it a night. After carrying Rita to her room, Juno made his way to the room he and Nureyev shared. Peter lay on the bed reading a book, his glasses on the very end of his nose.

“Coming to join me?” Nureyev spoke softly, still not looking up from his book. Juno knew that he wasn’t angry at him, there was no reason he would be but he could feel the familiar twinge of panic in his veins. Breathe, he’s not diamond. Diamond. “Juno?” It was only then they met eyes, Peter’s laced with worry.

4. "We can't run from the wind and the thunder" (TPP- Junoverse, Jupeter, Peter centric h/c)

Peter hated the thunder. He would never admit he was scared of it but he couldn't hide the flinches he made each time he heard the roars from above. Luckily, being in space you don’t see many thunderstorms and the few times they’d been to planets that could have them luck was on his side. But the thing about luck is it runs out eventually.

The crew were all staying the night at a hotel on a planet Peter hadn’t bothered to remember the name of. All he knew was they were all going to stay the night in a fancy hotel and very early in the morning they were going to start the heist, hoping to be out and back on the ship by 4am. This meant none of them would get a decent amount of sleep that night but it was worth it to get one step closer to the Curemother Prime. They had all made their way back to their respective rooms after checking in. Buddy and Vespa in one, Jet in one, Rita in one and Juno and Peter in another. I mean they had the -fake- money for it, so why not?

5. The wound has healed but the scar still hurts (TMA, Tim centric h/c)

The past couple of days it was awfully quiet in the archives and to Martin that meant something was wrong. Very wrong. It was never this quiet, there was always at least a little bit of chatter or something but right now you could hear a pin drop. It wasn’t until his lunch break that Martin figured out what was wrong. Tim wasn’t making a sound. Tim was always talking or flirting or humming but today he was silent. Thinking about it now, Martin remembered how distant Tim had been the past couple days. It wasn’t unusual for him to forget to reply to texts but the past couple of days all he’d given were one worded answers. That’s it, Martin thought to himself, I need to talk to him.

So Martin popped on the kettle and made himself tea while making Tim some coffee. He was never sure why Tim preferred coffee but apparently it helped him relax so Martin wasn’t going to question him. He wandered the institute until he found him. Tim was sitting on the cot in storage, books scattered around him with his head in his hands. Martin paused for a moment, was he crying?

6. In our bedroom after the war (TMA, JonMartin songfic)

Wake up, say good morning to

That sleepy person lying next to you

If there's no one there, then there's no one there

But at least the war is over

It was nice in the safehouse, quiet. There was such a comfort in the normality of it all. In the morning, Martin would be up before him brewing some tea and they would sit together. But there were days where that wouldn’t happen. Days where Jon was alone even though Martin was there. Ever since he got out of the lonely, Martin would flicker every so often. Jon could tell without even knowing, he could feel Martin’s embrace become colder, small pieces of fog would escape his mouth with words that had nothing to them. On those days, Jon tried his best to help. He knew it would pass and he wouldn’t be alone again, he just had to hold on.

Thats all I've got right now. My go to has basically just been "pain" I guess. My favourite is probably "in our bedroom after the war". Mostly because I love that song but I literally can't listen to it without thinking of JonMartin. One day I will finish these and post them, I swear

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